Recently, I was asked to write an article for Reno Magazine, a lifestyle magazine focusing on the favorite products, places, and pastimes of their viewers. The focus of this current issue is fitness, travel, and wedding plans! I was honored to receive this invitation. I decided to write about something that is not often discussed - the mother-daughter relationship throughout the planning process.
This can be a delicate topic and is different from one wedding to another, depending on the relationship of the mother and daughter. Any issus nd sensitivities are usually private and personal, and only known to the mother and daughter. In creating this article, I looked back into my years of experience in working with many a bride and a mom that have experienced episodes of not seeing eye-to-eye. I totally get it - it can be really difficult to get along seamlessly when dealing with thousands of dollars, all of your family and friends, and let's not forget ... emotions! Hopefully these Tips for the Mother of the Bride will help avoid any turmoils!
Read the article in full on Reno Magazine's site or read it below.
Avoid Bridal Meltdowns, Tips for Mothers of the Bride As seen in March, 2011 issue of Reno Magazine
When it comes to a wedding celebration, there are oodles of lovely and enjoyable things a mother and daughter can do to plan the perfect day. I have fluffed many a train, defeated Mother Nature’s outbursts, and directed teams of wedding professionals; but when it comes to mothers and their daughters there are a few key points that must be addressed, prior to working with me.
You want to enjoy both the wedding planning process and the wedding day, thus before you get too involved, it is very important that you have a simple conversation with your daughter, mainly discussing one little but ultra imperative question, “How can I help?” You may be thinking, “I’m her mother, why would I need to ask this?” Well, I don’t want to burst your bubble, but I do want to help you avoid many mother-of-the-bride-bridal-breakdown moments! First and foremost, the purpose of a wedding is to celebrate the bride and the groom; regardless of how simple or extravagant this wedding becomes, always keep this in the front of your mind. The wedding should reflect the bride and groom’s personalities. Out of a hundred and something weddings I have had two mothers take it upon themselves to plan a wedding that reflected their individual styles, wishes, and personalities. In both cases the bride couldn’t wait for the whole thing to be over and didn’t enjoy much of the celebration at all. To prevent this from happening to you, I have created a list of tips and helpful pointers.
UNROMANTIC, BUT IMPERATIVE DETAILS
- Who’s paying? First and foremost determine who is paying for the wedding. If you are splitting the bill, make sure you note on a word or excel doc how much each person is contributing. If you would like your money to go towards a very specific part of the wedding, note this in the document as well. But, keep in mind that footing the entire or partial bill doesn’t mean you can control every aspect and design every part of the event.
- What's Your Budget? It is absolutely essential to set an overall budget prior to booking any vendors and seeking venues. Allocate specific funds to each category and consult with your planner for suggestions.
- Prioritize! After solidifying the above, determine the bride and groom’s priorities (great band, the wine, the décor, etc). Select 3 – 4 and spend a higher percentage of your budget here.
ENJOY THE PLANNING PROCESS
- Blend style and decor -Discover your daughter’s style - if she is a tomboy, don’t force ultra girly-girl ideas on her. Figure out her style and find things that enhance it, not transform it.
- Be a helping hand - Offer your assistance, but don’t require that your opinions and ideas must be put in place. Agree to compromise on the aspects that are really important to each of you.
- Play favorites - Create a list of things you would like to help with. Ask her to choose a few things from your list.
- Avoid Comparisons - Try not to compare this wedding to ones in the past like yours, or your sister's wedding 10 years ago. Trends change and styles differ; your daughter will only grow to be frustrated if she thinks you are trying to create your own wedding day.